I was on the train way back home when i saw this article on OCD from YahooNews facebook. It caught my attention because it was talking about things I didn't know about OCD... I thought OCD was only about washing hands many many times or crazy about cleanliness. But after reading this article, i thought those symptoms that the woman has sounded familiar.... Like she did some action repeatedly, keep checking the lock...
So i went to further read up about the symptoms that was linked from the same website. And found that the sypmtoms, other than cleanliness, include quite a number of other things.
Quoted from "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: How do you know if you have one?", OCD symptoms include Pathological doubts, e.g, repeatedly thinking "doors are probably not locked’, ‘is the gas on?’, need to do things in a particular way and order leading to slowness in tasks and repeatedly being unable to throw or give away old clothes, books, papers...
After reading that article, I think out of all the symptoms, i hit at least a quarter of them? Especially the part about pathological doubts and don't bear to throw things away...
I think my internship has cause my OCD symptoms to amplify (if i have OCD in the first place). Especially my trainer supervisor (not the lab supervisor). I am so worried something will go wrong whenever I am doing her logistic lists. If i missed out anything, i think i might as well take MC and don't go to work the next day. And i think she is scary in that i think her face can become very black and her hidden warnings behind her sentences. And i seriously suspect she is complaining behind me. Like seriously, can at least tell me where I am wrong what. Don't ask another person to tell me or sth. I see your face i also don't dare to ask you, always give me those "You-don't-know-where-you-are-wrong?-Still-dare-to-ask-me" type of face. Lucky I don't need to face her when I am in the lab, only when need to go school and has to sit in the same car.
Because of that, one logistic list i check like 2 to 3 times before the logistics are brought down. But still I am worried there are things missing.
Like yesterday, there was this school that need sterile water and the logistics were prepared by me only and happen to be hers. Then I am so unlucky that I happen to miss out aliquotting sterile water into the some of microtubes. And it so happen that the extra sterile water was also not enough. When my internship friend told me through whatapp, i was like going into a frenzy + crazy mode. Keep thinking "i am finished, should i sms her and apologise?"... Lucky my friend found sterile water from that school, or esle i think she will confront me today.
Now I am worried about her SpringField lists, cause i didn't get to check finish and it had to be delivered down already. Though i checked once a few days before, I'm still worried there are missing things. Then today she go ask my lab supervisor to ask me about how i packed the antibiotic discs. See, now i am starting to doubt how i packed them and scare that there are tubes i missed putting the antibiotic discs in. Worse, in addition, i am beginning to think there are missing items and feel like packing another's class worth of logistics just in case.
Aiya! I think mine is not really the serious type of OCD because according to the web, it is time to seek treatment only when these symptoms start affecting the normal daily functioning of a person. I think it is just the internship that cause my OCD to become worse than before internship. Haha.
2/3/2012 Friday.
*~GuiFang~*
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